Sanjay Dutt's , by now infamous, interview, got me started on this post. He had a message 'to all girls who hang on to their parents’ surname'. I find it, very difficult to understand how people can give such statements - even more so when they are planning to stand for public office. Or may be it is all to show how deeply he and his 'homemaker' wife is steeped in 'Bharatiya Sanskriti'!
Anyways, this reminded me of one of my close friend's 6 year old daughter who came home from school one day and told her, 'Mamma, you are not part of my family!'. On further questioning, it came out, that she was taught, in school, that everybody in a family, shares a common surname! And since her mother had a different surname - she must not be part of the family :) I was a little surprised at that point in time, that in a London school, this was told to the kids and that no parent objected!
Either way, I feel this expectation of a woman having to change her surname to her husband's very unfair. Isn't is sad that a woman has to change her identity and assume a different one once she gets married? Then again, if the woman is working, there are so many documents involved, passports, email ids - why go through all that hassle? But again, there are communities, where even a girl's first name is changed after marriage! So a surname is probably still a better option.
Again, it is a global phenomenon, isn't it? Wasn't Hillary Clinton and Cherie Blair given grief , because they held on to their maiden names?
I really do not know what to make of this whole issue - apart from one thing - I find it very objectionable when people condemn women for not changing their surnames or commend them for doing so. To me, it is a personal choice, and it should be a woman's decision whether or not to take up her husband's name. Beyond that - it's nobody's business!
Showing posts with label Indian society. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Indian society. Show all posts
Monday, 19 January 2009
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Autism
I had first come across Autism, a long time back, when I had read an article in Reader's Digest about an Autistic girl, who had, with a lot of effort on her mother's part, had managed to overcome it to a great extent and live as much as a normal life as possible.
Since then, I remember reading a lot about it, but never really thought too much about it, until a colleague, told me that his 4 yr old son was diagnosed as Autistic and that he had come abroad simply because he was not able to get his son the necessary treatment in India. I had been pregnant at that time and to be honest, I had nightmares about it. Until then, I had just read about it, it was only after talking to him, that I realised how difficult it is to deal with it - for both the child and the parents. I have ever since, been reading quite a bit about autism.
Yesterday, I came across an article which was talking about the ethics of screening unborn babies for 'Autism'. Apparently according to the latest research, Autism is the result of an extremely 'male brain'. Autism is defined as a condition which brain development disorder ,characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. There was believed to be a link between immunization shots and Autism, which was later discredited, due to lack of information. Apparently, it was around the time of the MMR immunization, that children started exhibiting signs of autism, leading to the belief.
Children with autism often have extreme difficulty developing normal relationships with others. They tend not to share in the interests their peers have. In many cases these children are not able to interpret non-verbal cues of communication like facial expressions. Most people with autism have some impairment in language and many never speak at all. Children, with autism also tend to find change, very difficult to cope with. Autism is not a rare disorder, being the third most common developmental disorder, more common than Down’s Syndrome.
In India, I found this organisation - Action for Autism, which seems to be active in this field. Their website talks about how, until the 1980's there were hardly any children diagnosed with Autism in India.. Apparently, majority of children with autism routinely received a diagnosis of mental retardation. Their website also gives a lot of useful information for anybody with more questions on Autism.
Some of factors which complicate research and treatment of Autism in India is the lack of awareness. Social attitudes, political will and environment all contribute to lower early detection rates, which actually proves crucial in diagnosing and treating Autism.
The positive thing is , 'Autistic children can make significant progress if the intervention is appropriate and consistent. Depending on the child's individual skill profile and the appropriateness and intensity of intervention he or she receives, children with Autism can lead relatively independent lives.'
The more I read about autism, the more my heart goes out to every person who gets diagnosed with Autism and their brave parents who have to see their children through it all. I remember reading a mother's account, where she says, the only time it would really hurt, was when her daughter made no spontaneous gestures - like 'giving her mother a hug or a kiss or any such gestures of affection'! It just makes me thank god that we have been blessed with a healthy child! I just hope, that with the increased awareness and medical advancements, every child, gets to lead a happy and independent life
Other articles with information on Autism
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jan/13/autism-health
http://www.autism-india.org/afa_aboutautism.html
http://www.astalavista.co.in/disability/autism-study.html
http://autismaspergerssyndrome.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_in_india
http://www.autismsocietyofindia.org/
I also came across an online petition requesting the PM to take up measures to address the issues raised by families with autistic individuals..
http://www.petitiononline.com/ABPTNF01/petition.html
Edited to add : Just came across something else on the net today
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1116602/Why-face-truth-Having-autistic-child-wrecks-life-.html
Since then, I remember reading a lot about it, but never really thought too much about it, until a colleague, told me that his 4 yr old son was diagnosed as Autistic and that he had come abroad simply because he was not able to get his son the necessary treatment in India. I had been pregnant at that time and to be honest, I had nightmares about it. Until then, I had just read about it, it was only after talking to him, that I realised how difficult it is to deal with it - for both the child and the parents. I have ever since, been reading quite a bit about autism.
Yesterday, I came across an article which was talking about the ethics of screening unborn babies for 'Autism'. Apparently according to the latest research, Autism is the result of an extremely 'male brain'. Autism is defined as a condition which brain development disorder ,characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. There was believed to be a link between immunization shots and Autism, which was later discredited, due to lack of information. Apparently, it was around the time of the MMR immunization, that children started exhibiting signs of autism, leading to the belief.
Children with autism often have extreme difficulty developing normal relationships with others. They tend not to share in the interests their peers have. In many cases these children are not able to interpret non-verbal cues of communication like facial expressions. Most people with autism have some impairment in language and many never speak at all. Children, with autism also tend to find change, very difficult to cope with. Autism is not a rare disorder, being the third most common developmental disorder, more common than Down’s Syndrome.
In India, I found this organisation - Action for Autism, which seems to be active in this field. Their website talks about how, until the 1980's there were hardly any children diagnosed with Autism in India.. Apparently, majority of children with autism routinely received a diagnosis of mental retardation. Their website also gives a lot of useful information for anybody with more questions on Autism.
Some of factors which complicate research and treatment of Autism in India is the lack of awareness. Social attitudes, political will and environment all contribute to lower early detection rates, which actually proves crucial in diagnosing and treating Autism.
The positive thing is , 'Autistic children can make significant progress if the intervention is appropriate and consistent. Depending on the child's individual skill profile and the appropriateness and intensity of intervention he or she receives, children with Autism can lead relatively independent lives.'
The more I read about autism, the more my heart goes out to every person who gets diagnosed with Autism and their brave parents who have to see their children through it all. I remember reading a mother's account, where she says, the only time it would really hurt, was when her daughter made no spontaneous gestures - like 'giving her mother a hug or a kiss or any such gestures of affection'! It just makes me thank god that we have been blessed with a healthy child! I just hope, that with the increased awareness and medical advancements, every child, gets to lead a happy and independent life
Other articles with information on Autism
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jan/13/autism-health
http://www.autism-india.org/afa_aboutautism.html
http://www.astalavista.co.in/disability/autism-study.html
http://autismaspergerssyndrome.suite101.com/article.cfm/autism_in_india
http://www.autismsocietyofindia.org/
I also came across an online petition requesting the PM to take up measures to address the issues raised by families with autistic individuals..
http://www.petitiononline.com/ABPTNF01/petition.html
Edited to add : Just came across something else on the net today
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1116602/Why-face-truth-Having-autistic-child-wrecks-life-.html
Friday, 9 January 2009
Of Labels and Branding..
Started to write a comment on IHM's latest post, when it turned into this post I just love to rant about the labels that get assigned to all of us - not just women. Our society has so many of those 'labels' and expectations that IHM talks about in her post.
When I was young, I used to be under a lot of pressure from my mother to behave like a 'lady'. Thankfully, my dad was wonderful - he just let me be. So I never learnt to cook(there is a big question mark on that even now) until much, much later, but that never really mattered. The only thing that my dad demanded of me was excellance in whatever I did and this is what I would want for my daughter as well. However, all around me, I used to see instances of girls being taught to cook, sew and knit - so that they do not face problems later - when they were married! Of course, even if you are a top performer at school, you need to learn how to be a 'good girl' too. And the rules were all different for boys - they 'need' to concentrate on studies - why should they be distracted by any household activity? After all, they would finally get a ready made maid in the form of a 'bride'??????
Even today, it absolutely gets my goat, when I hear women ask men to eat 'garam garam rotis', and what about us women? Well we will just eat after they have - so that they get to eat it hot!!! At our place, we always try to eat together - but I come across this all the time. One time, we had a get together with my husband's colleagues, all of whose wives were stay-at-home mums and I used to be working at that time. The women decided that the men should eat first because ' they must be tired after all their hard work'!!! Hello??? I am working too - and I was pregnant too at that time! Nobody even bothered - because as a women - I probably don't count! While, I am not saying that I wanted special treatment - why do we women try to treat men as extra-special!!!
And most importantly 'Why do they deride their own work, their own contribution? Isn't what they do hard work????'
All through that dinner, my poor husband did not know what to do - he knew that I was close to blowing up :) And these were all educated, well aware women, who did not think twice before re-inforcing such traditions. What will their daughters and sons learn? More and more as I see all this, I am convinced that women are women's worst enemies!
The most regressive family dramas on Indian Television has been the brain child of a woman - Ekta Kapoor!
One of our maids, did not feed her daughter for the first 2 weeks after her birth - because she wanted a boy!
Don't women play and equal and powerful role in dowry deaths and female foeticides?
And have you been to parties where the men, sit in one room, and the women in another? Why? Why can't we all socialise?
There used to be a senior of mine at school. Her family were also friends of mine. Now, this girl was brilliant, she was great at studies, she topped nearly every exam she took, but her father made her marry a guy who was far less educated, didnot even have a job that could take care of a family, not her equal in any way - just because he was worried that if she gets too old, it would be difficult to get her 'married'. Last I heard, she stays with her in-laws, and he works somewhere else. They can't live together , because he does not have a good enough job, to be able to support her and their child! Is this worth it? Could she, not have had, a chance of a better, more fulfilling life, if it had not been for her father's narrowminded views? And how, could a girl like her go along with it?
The other day, I read somewhere that women who love their husbands do the 'Karva Chauth Puja'! And this was a woman's words, mind you! I do not do fasts, of any kind! - does that mean that I love my husband any less? Here, again, I think, we have Ekta Kapoor to blame, who has glamourised every single regressive tradition!
And the labelling is not just limited to women. I know of parents who get upset if their little boy shows more interest in dolls than in cars. I had always believed that the toys we give the children make the difference to what the child takes to. Unfortunately, my daughter made me eat my words. I had always tried to give her a balanced mix of toys, until she got a little toy baby for her first birthday. The label said it was for children aged 3+ , so I was putting it away for later, when my daughter grabbed it and has never given it up since. She takes better care of her 'baby' than I suspect, I do of her :) Guess, that's her personality, and if that's what she is like, then that's what she should be ! I will not make her change one way or the other - she should be allowed to be 'her' - whatever that may be!
I've been ranting, but this is something that always got me going.. Also, on a last note - I just read that Russell Crowe knits!!! Now thats what we need :) As somebody said, 'When a men do something its an art and when women do the same, it gets relegated to a craft'
When I was young, I used to be under a lot of pressure from my mother to behave like a 'lady'. Thankfully, my dad was wonderful - he just let me be. So I never learnt to cook(there is a big question mark on that even now) until much, much later, but that never really mattered. The only thing that my dad demanded of me was excellance in whatever I did and this is what I would want for my daughter as well. However, all around me, I used to see instances of girls being taught to cook, sew and knit - so that they do not face problems later - when they were married! Of course, even if you are a top performer at school, you need to learn how to be a 'good girl' too. And the rules were all different for boys - they 'need' to concentrate on studies - why should they be distracted by any household activity? After all, they would finally get a ready made maid in the form of a 'bride'??????
Even today, it absolutely gets my goat, when I hear women ask men to eat 'garam garam rotis', and what about us women? Well we will just eat after they have - so that they get to eat it hot!!! At our place, we always try to eat together - but I come across this all the time. One time, we had a get together with my husband's colleagues, all of whose wives were stay-at-home mums and I used to be working at that time. The women decided that the men should eat first because ' they must be tired after all their hard work'!!! Hello??? I am working too - and I was pregnant too at that time! Nobody even bothered - because as a women - I probably don't count! While, I am not saying that I wanted special treatment - why do we women try to treat men as extra-special!!!
And most importantly 'Why do they deride their own work, their own contribution? Isn't what they do hard work????'
All through that dinner, my poor husband did not know what to do - he knew that I was close to blowing up :) And these were all educated, well aware women, who did not think twice before re-inforcing such traditions. What will their daughters and sons learn? More and more as I see all this, I am convinced that women are women's worst enemies!
The most regressive family dramas on Indian Television has been the brain child of a woman - Ekta Kapoor!
One of our maids, did not feed her daughter for the first 2 weeks after her birth - because she wanted a boy!
Don't women play and equal and powerful role in dowry deaths and female foeticides?
And have you been to parties where the men, sit in one room, and the women in another? Why? Why can't we all socialise?
There used to be a senior of mine at school. Her family were also friends of mine. Now, this girl was brilliant, she was great at studies, she topped nearly every exam she took, but her father made her marry a guy who was far less educated, didnot even have a job that could take care of a family, not her equal in any way - just because he was worried that if she gets too old, it would be difficult to get her 'married'. Last I heard, she stays with her in-laws, and he works somewhere else. They can't live together , because he does not have a good enough job, to be able to support her and their child! Is this worth it? Could she, not have had, a chance of a better, more fulfilling life, if it had not been for her father's narrowminded views? And how, could a girl like her go along with it?
The other day, I read somewhere that women who love their husbands do the 'Karva Chauth Puja'! And this was a woman's words, mind you! I do not do fasts, of any kind! - does that mean that I love my husband any less? Here, again, I think, we have Ekta Kapoor to blame, who has glamourised every single regressive tradition!
And the labelling is not just limited to women. I know of parents who get upset if their little boy shows more interest in dolls than in cars. I had always believed that the toys we give the children make the difference to what the child takes to. Unfortunately, my daughter made me eat my words. I had always tried to give her a balanced mix of toys, until she got a little toy baby for her first birthday. The label said it was for children aged 3+ , so I was putting it away for later, when my daughter grabbed it and has never given it up since. She takes better care of her 'baby' than I suspect, I do of her :) Guess, that's her personality, and if that's what she is like, then that's what she should be ! I will not make her change one way or the other - she should be allowed to be 'her' - whatever that may be!
I've been ranting, but this is something that always got me going.. Also, on a last note - I just read that Russell Crowe knits!!! Now thats what we need :) As somebody said, 'When a men do something its an art and when women do the same, it gets relegated to a craft'
Monday, 22 December 2008
To Convert or not to Convert?
I was reading through the comments in one of IHM's posts when I started to comment and then realised that I wanted to do a post instead!
We have heard a lot of justification of the violence in Orissa by the VHP/Bajrang Dal activists on the basis of avenging 'proselytisation'. I cannot understand how we can do anything but condemn it wholeheartedly. There can be justification whatsoever.
Firstly, Conversion is no crime in India - despite the efforts of the Sangh Parivar to make forced conversion a crime. 'Forcible converison' , to me is a term which is hugely ambiguous. In a secular democracy like India - how can we even think of having a law like this? If our citizens do not have the right to convert to any religion, to live in any way that suits them - what is the meaning of the democracy we live in? If India becomes a state where we are told what religion to follow, or when I can or not convert - I would much rather emigrate.
Secondly, if the missionaries are successful in converting the lower caste Hindus to Christainity - there is a reason for it. My father used to recount to me , how badly the lower castes used to be treated. He tells me of how even the shadow of a lower caste to fall on one of the higher castes was considered defilement! So they had to move away when my dad and his family approached. And then, magically when they converted - they could come into our living rooms! How fair is that? And why would any person not prefer that?
The caste system had reached such levels that to convert must have been a huge relief. And yes, if the Christian missionaries gave them incentives - what was wrong? When we could not give them the dignity, the respect - is it any surprise that they went where they got a lot more? Can you blame them, if they found respect in the society, education subsidised for their children, after converting? All this without violence! Just by promising and delivering social upliftment.
Thirdly, for all the efforts spent in the carnage in Orissa - would it not have served everyone better if these groups had looked inwards and tried to make changes to the system, so that people are less likely to be tempted by conversion? How about starting good quality schools ? Hospitals? Trying to do what can be done to abolish the caste system? Obviously, the last point is not an easy one - but if every person tried - I am sure it could happen? My granddads - on both sides, believed in it strongly - so none of my parents and their siblings have the caste in their names.. Having said that - I am not so sure 'de-recognizing' castes will work in reality- with the reservation system that we have in place. We have to make people want to convert/or stay a Hindu - force is no way to go. But surely, we can try - instead of killing and raping innocent people!
Fourthly, how can VHP/Bajrang Dal consider themselves as the representatives of Hindus? I am proud to be a Hindu but these acts have really made me ashamed. It is sad that Hinduism , which is actually a way of life, is being defiled by these people. Since we are 'born' Hindus, we do not have any 'baptism' to make us Hindus - how can re-conversion mean anything? Surely, a true representative of Hinduism, should be above all this? As a Hindu, I do not go to temples, do not believe in most of the rituals, do not undertake any fasts, do not wear any symbols of my religion - does that make me any less Hindu? If this continues, very soon, I will be told that I am a 'non-believer' or maybe I would have to 're-convert'?
Forcibly stopping conversions or forcing people to 'reconvert' is just as bad(worse actually) than forced conversions. I just hope people rise above all this and all of us condemn such horrible, horrible acts of violence. As long as there are even a small segment of people who try to justify this - these fringe elements will continue to wreck havoc. We have to collectively show that these fringe elements who assume that they speak for us - have NO support from us.
We have heard a lot of justification of the violence in Orissa by the VHP/Bajrang Dal activists on the basis of avenging 'proselytisation'. I cannot understand how we can do anything but condemn it wholeheartedly. There can be justification whatsoever.
Firstly, Conversion is no crime in India - despite the efforts of the Sangh Parivar to make forced conversion a crime. 'Forcible converison' , to me is a term which is hugely ambiguous. In a secular democracy like India - how can we even think of having a law like this? If our citizens do not have the right to convert to any religion, to live in any way that suits them - what is the meaning of the democracy we live in? If India becomes a state where we are told what religion to follow, or when I can or not convert - I would much rather emigrate.
Secondly, if the missionaries are successful in converting the lower caste Hindus to Christainity - there is a reason for it. My father used to recount to me , how badly the lower castes used to be treated. He tells me of how even the shadow of a lower caste to fall on one of the higher castes was considered defilement! So they had to move away when my dad and his family approached. And then, magically when they converted - they could come into our living rooms! How fair is that? And why would any person not prefer that?
The caste system had reached such levels that to convert must have been a huge relief. And yes, if the Christian missionaries gave them incentives - what was wrong? When we could not give them the dignity, the respect - is it any surprise that they went where they got a lot more? Can you blame them, if they found respect in the society, education subsidised for their children, after converting? All this without violence! Just by promising and delivering social upliftment.
Thirdly, for all the efforts spent in the carnage in Orissa - would it not have served everyone better if these groups had looked inwards and tried to make changes to the system, so that people are less likely to be tempted by conversion? How about starting good quality schools ? Hospitals? Trying to do what can be done to abolish the caste system? Obviously, the last point is not an easy one - but if every person tried - I am sure it could happen? My granddads - on both sides, believed in it strongly - so none of my parents and their siblings have the caste in their names.. Having said that - I am not so sure 'de-recognizing' castes will work in reality- with the reservation system that we have in place. We have to make people want to convert/or stay a Hindu - force is no way to go. But surely, we can try - instead of killing and raping innocent people!
Fourthly, how can VHP/Bajrang Dal consider themselves as the representatives of Hindus? I am proud to be a Hindu but these acts have really made me ashamed. It is sad that Hinduism , which is actually a way of life, is being defiled by these people. Since we are 'born' Hindus, we do not have any 'baptism' to make us Hindus - how can re-conversion mean anything? Surely, a true representative of Hinduism, should be above all this? As a Hindu, I do not go to temples, do not believe in most of the rituals, do not undertake any fasts, do not wear any symbols of my religion - does that make me any less Hindu? If this continues, very soon, I will be told that I am a 'non-believer' or maybe I would have to 're-convert'?
Forcibly stopping conversions or forcing people to 'reconvert' is just as bad(worse actually) than forced conversions. I just hope people rise above all this and all of us condemn such horrible, horrible acts of violence. As long as there are even a small segment of people who try to justify this - these fringe elements will continue to wreck havoc. We have to collectively show that these fringe elements who assume that they speak for us - have NO support from us.
Saturday, 13 December 2008
Fair and Lovely?
Reading Indian Homemaker's post, reminded me of how much our Indian society is still hung up on 'fairness'!
The very term ' Fair and Lovely' indicates that fairness and loveliness goes hand in hand! I remember, reading matrimonial ads for fun, with friends(long, long time ago) and coming across loads of adverts which stated very clearly 'fair bride wanted'. And I do not recall any advertisement for a 'fair groom'. Obviously, fair grooms are not necessary, just the 'Y' chromosome is enough, when it comes to the groom!
Going back to the main topic - why this fascination with 'fairness'???? Is it as harmless as the fascination for 'tanned' skin abroad, as some people like to claim? I wish it were, but I would have to disagree.. Agreed, that a lot of people in the UK and the US( and I am sure in a lot of other countries), go for sunbeds and other tanning treatment to look good. So what is the difference with our people trying to be - 'fair and lovely'? The main difference I would think is that in there is no discrimination within a society against people who are not tanned(in UK, US etc). Tanning is simply a beauty treatment, however, in India, a whole lot more depends of one's skin colour! Brides are rejected based on 'fairness' of the skin! Some time back I remember seeing a 'We, the people' on NDTV, where a gentleman, very honestly said that, given a choice between 2 equally qualified people, he would select the fairer candidate, as that would be more beneficial to his business.. Unfortunately, this mindset remains! Somebody else, qualified the difference, saying that one would not mind having a dark girlfriend, but when it came to the woman, to take home to mummy - it would have to be a fair girl!
However, don't you think, that if a woman tried to reject a prospective groom, on the basis that he is 'not fair', would be told not to be 'frivolous'?
Even, in this age, people advise expectant mothers to eat certain foods to ensure that the unborn child is 'fair'! And this is not just among the uneducated, unaware society either!
The silver lining? Well , from the look of it, today we have a market for 'Fair and Handsome' as well.. Well, at least we can no longer complain of inequality, I guess!
The very term ' Fair and Lovely' indicates that fairness and loveliness goes hand in hand! I remember, reading matrimonial ads for fun, with friends(long, long time ago) and coming across loads of adverts which stated very clearly 'fair bride wanted'. And I do not recall any advertisement for a 'fair groom'. Obviously, fair grooms are not necessary, just the 'Y' chromosome is enough, when it comes to the groom!
Going back to the main topic - why this fascination with 'fairness'???? Is it as harmless as the fascination for 'tanned' skin abroad, as some people like to claim? I wish it were, but I would have to disagree.. Agreed, that a lot of people in the UK and the US( and I am sure in a lot of other countries), go for sunbeds and other tanning treatment to look good. So what is the difference with our people trying to be - 'fair and lovely'? The main difference I would think is that in there is no discrimination within a society against people who are not tanned(in UK, US etc). Tanning is simply a beauty treatment, however, in India, a whole lot more depends of one's skin colour! Brides are rejected based on 'fairness' of the skin! Some time back I remember seeing a 'We, the people' on NDTV, where a gentleman, very honestly said that, given a choice between 2 equally qualified people, he would select the fairer candidate, as that would be more beneficial to his business.. Unfortunately, this mindset remains! Somebody else, qualified the difference, saying that one would not mind having a dark girlfriend, but when it came to the woman, to take home to mummy - it would have to be a fair girl!
However, don't you think, that if a woman tried to reject a prospective groom, on the basis that he is 'not fair', would be told not to be 'frivolous'?
Even, in this age, people advise expectant mothers to eat certain foods to ensure that the unborn child is 'fair'! And this is not just among the uneducated, unaware society either!
The silver lining? Well , from the look of it, today we have a market for 'Fair and Handsome' as well.. Well, at least we can no longer complain of inequality, I guess!
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