Of Labels and Branding..

Started to write a comment on IHM's latest post, when it turned into this post I just love to rant about the labels that get assigned to all of us - not just women. Our society has so many of those 'labels' and expectations that IHM talks about in her post.

When I was young, I used to be under a lot of pressure from my mother to behave like a 'lady'. Thankfully, my dad was wonderful - he just let me be. So I never learnt to cook(there is a big question mark on that even now) until much, much later, but that never really mattered. The only thing that my dad demanded of me was excellance in whatever I did and this is what I would want for my daughter as well. However, all around me, I used to see instances of girls being taught to cook, sew and knit - so that they do not face problems later - when they were married! Of course, even if you are a top performer at school, you need to learn how to be a 'good girl' too. And the rules were all different for boys - they 'need' to concentrate on studies - why should they be distracted by any household activity? After all, they would finally get a ready made maid in the form of a 'bride'??????

Even today, it absolutely gets my goat, when I hear women ask men to eat 'garam garam rotis', and what about us women? Well we will just eat after they have - so that they get to eat it hot!!! At our place, we always try to eat together - but I come across this all the time. One time, we had a get together with my husband's colleagues, all of whose wives were stay-at-home mums and I used to be working at that time. The women decided that the men should eat first because ' they must be tired after all their hard work'!!! Hello??? I am working too - and I was pregnant too at that time! Nobody even bothered - because as a women - I probably don't count! While, I am not saying that I wanted special treatment - why do we women try to treat men as extra-special!!!
And most importantly 'Why do they deride their own work, their own contribution? Isn't what they do hard work????'
All through that dinner, my poor husband did not know what to do - he knew that I was close to blowing up :) And these were all educated, well aware women, who did not think twice before re-inforcing such traditions. What will their daughters and sons learn? More and more as I see all this, I am convinced that women are women's worst enemies!


The most regressive family dramas on Indian Television has been the brain child of a woman - Ekta Kapoor!


One of our maids, did not feed her daughter for the first 2 weeks after her birth - because she wanted a boy!

Don't women play and equal and powerful role in dowry deaths and female foeticides?

And have you been to parties where the men, sit in one room, and the women in another? Why? Why can't we all socialise?

There used to be a senior of mine at school. Her family were also friends of mine. Now, this girl was brilliant, she was great at studies, she topped nearly every exam she took, but her father made her marry a guy who was far less educated, didnot even have a job that could take care of a family, not her equal in any way - just because he was worried that if she gets too old, it would be difficult to get her 'married'. Last I heard, she stays with her in-laws, and he works somewhere else. They can't live together , because he does not have a good enough job, to be able to support her and their child! Is this worth it? Could she, not have had, a chance of a better, more fulfilling life, if it had not been for her father's narrowminded views? And how, could a girl like her go along with it?

The other day, I read somewhere that women who love their husbands do the 'Karva Chauth Puja'! And this was a woman's words, mind you! I do not do fasts, of any kind! - does that mean that I love my husband any less? Here, again, I think, we have Ekta Kapoor to blame, who has glamourised every single regressive tradition!

And the labelling is not just limited to women. I know of parents who get upset if their little boy shows more interest in dolls than in cars. I had always believed that the toys we give the children make the difference to what the child takes to. Unfortunately, my daughter made me eat my words. I had always tried to give her a balanced mix of toys, until she got a little toy baby for her first birthday. The label said it was for children aged 3+ , so I was putting it away for later, when my daughter grabbed it and has never given it up since. She takes better care of her 'baby' than I suspect, I do of her :) Guess, that's her personality, and if that's what she is like, then that's what she should be ! I will not make her change one way or the other - she should be allowed to be 'her' - whatever that may be!


I've been ranting, but this is something that always got me going.. Also, on a last note - I just read that Russell Crowe knits!!! Now thats what we need :) As somebody said, 'When a men do something its an art and when women do the same, it gets relegated to a craft'

Teaching or Child Abuse?

I was shocked to see this new here about a teacher who pricked a child in her eye with a pin for failing to answer a question! This child, has been blinded, thanks to a person, who should have been responsible for her intellectual growth!

I don't have words to express what I feel! Just the other day, NDTV reported of how a child was forced to drink urine because he passed urine in class! The more, I hear of these stories, I wonder about our education system in India! While, I am sure that these kinds of horrible instances of child abuse is not widespread, general apathy amongst teachers is definitely there.

Who are the teachers who are shaping young lives today? When I was in school , I remember we had dedicated teachers, who loved their subjects and some of the things that they have taught me - I remember and value, even today! I somehow, doubt if that holds true, today. With the huge salaries that MNCs pay and IT and ITES booming, why would anybody want to be doomed to a lifetime of teaching? While, there are some very dedicated teachers out there, who still make a difference to so many young people, I somehow get the feeling, that the vocation, that was teaching, is no longer that! Has teaching become the last option for a career?

Or maybe, while we were at school, we did not have such a strong media to report all such incidents? What do you think?

Baby beaten to death after mother objects to caste abuse

I just came across this article. 'A dalit woman's three-month-old infant was beaten to death allegedly by some members of another community who objected to her wearing slippers while fetching water from a handpump in Pohari area here.'

It is difficult to believe that, we still have this kind of brutal, ruthless killing in the name of 'caste'!

Who gave them the right? Will these killers ever be brought to justice? Will any of us remember this after a couple of days?

Thank God for our Supreme Court!

In the midst of all the charges of corruption that are levelled against our government machinery - our Supreme Court always seems to hold its ground..

SC pulls up CBI for flip-flop in Mulayam case

Apparently, the SC has pulled up the CBI for ' its flip flop over its decision to change its stand in the disproportionate assets case against former Uttar Pradesh
Chief Minister Mulayam Singh Yadav, the Supreme Court' on Monday said it would not like the agency to become an instrument of the government.'

I really feel proud that our country - despite all the corrupt politicians and bureaucracy, still has a supreme court which is so strong.

Thank You, Thank You

A long overdue post - I had been a wee bit busy during the holiday season. Today, finally, its business as usual.

A BIG thanks to IHM for the shield.

Thank you Nita for the friendship band.

I would like to pass on the shield to

Bones - For coming up with the most 'interesting' tidbits' from all over the place!

Ajit - For being such an 'extraordinary blogger' for someone who claims to be just 'another ordinary guy'

Vinod Sharma - For his take on Indian Politics

Manju - For the most thought provoking posts

Vimmuuu - For some very creative posts!

Kislay - For his honest posts.

And finally IHM - Right back to you! You deserve all the awards you have got and more!

And I would like to pass on the friendship band to everyone on my blogroll! I can't tell you all how much I value your comments!

Credit crisis sparks surge of domestic violence in the home

I just read an article about how the credit crisis has caused a surge in domestic violence. Apparently the National Centre for Domestic Violence(UK) saw a 40% increase in victims seeking support last month.



The statistics sounds very scary. 40% is after all a huge amount. This sudden increase is attributed to the credit crunch, which is making a lot of people stay at home in an effort to save money. The stress of the credit crunch, along with is being the holiday season, must also be taking a huge toll, for the figures to jump so much. One in four women, apparently, will experience domestic violence in their lifetime - and this may be more as a lot of cases are not disclosed.



That set me thinking about the statistics in India. If it is so bad in Britain - it must be much worse in India. In the UK - there has been a lot of campaign in an effort to reduce domestic violence. When I was pregnant - I was surprised on being asked by the midwife if I am being subjected to domestic violence. It was a routine question as apparently a lot of women report increased domestic violence when they are pregnant, so the government tries to take pro-active steps to curtail it.



Surprisingly, I could not find much updated data about statistics in India. Some of the information I found was surveys done in 2003! According to the UN , around two thirds of married women in India are subjected to domestic violence. The only countries with higher percentages are Egypt and Zambia. The UN report indicates that ' women with tangible economic assets were less likely to be victims of domestic violence than those who lack them, the report cited Kerala as an example.
"In Kerala, a survey found that 49 per cent women without property reported domestic violence compared with only seven per cent who owned property," it said '. So it does look like financial freedom has helped in reducing domestic violence - according to this survey. However, I did read other reports, which indicate that violence has increased with women's education! Alternatively, it might just mean that women are more aware, so they tend to report abuse than just accept it as their fate.



I was reading the other day about how, many women actually think they are to blame for the violence they are subject to and in India, especially where the a lot of women live with their in-laws, this is further compounded. Furthermore, they hardly have the freedom, to step outside their houses, leave alone report the abuse. I have even heard of instances where the police has refused to 'interfere' as it is a 'domestic matter' between the spouses..



According to studies done on the effect of domestic violence on children indicate that the damaging influences could lead to adjustment problems as well as undermining the mother-child relations. I had once read a true-life account of a woman who had been abused, she used to see her mother abused , so she grew up thinking that it was 'normal' and 'to be expected'! Her expectations were based on what she saw and experienced as a child, making her a prime target for marital abuse. It took her a long time, before she came to realise that she was being abused and that she could stand up against it!

In this post, I have just touched upon physical domestic violence, mental domestic violence is also equally prevalent and equally damaging - but far more difficult to report and address, especially in nations like ours where men culturally have the upper hand.

Backseat Driving!

Today, while we waited in the car for traffic signal to turn green, my daughter said ' Daddy, push the car'! She is so used to travelling in her stroller where she is 'pushed' - she applied it directly to the car :)